WalMart-What I Love...And Hate

First let me say, I have nothing against Walmart or it's business practices...this post isn't about that. It's about people. And human nature. The good, bad and ugly.  All of which can be observed right inside your local Walmart.

You may have guessed by now, I shopped Walmart today.  It's not something I relish and I don't do it often but, hey, I like a deal as much as the next gal. So........ I'm heading for the check out with my cart, slightly filled, mind you. Too many items for the express lane but far from a full cart. This is a pertinent bit of information, you'll see. A young girl, maybe about 10 years old, jets in front of me into the line.  I think..."ok, she's a little girl, no biggie." A few seconds later, her mama gets in line behind me with her big ole' cart filled to the brim. Mama stays in line behind me for a few minutes but then...the inconceivable happens.  

Mama moves around me like a corvette in the passing lane.  Only, there's nowhere for her to go.  I'm in line.  I've been in line.  She's been in line.  Behind me.

So, she sidles up beside me and noses her cart in front of mine, where her daughter is helplessly looking from mama to me and back.  Mama says "Excuse me" just as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Just as if she were totally and completely within her rights as a Walmart shopper. My mouth falls open.  I look around. Other mouths are gaping open. Heads are swiveling. My own head starts to feel like it might explode.

Wife Whisperer finally joins me in line from who-knows-where...probably the magazine rack.  He takes one look at me, "What's wrong?" Before I self-combust, I guide my cart to another line. I don't trust my mouth. I don't trust my hands not to wrap themselves around mama's boorish neck. It feels like my hair is standing on end and my eyeballs are popping out of their sockets. My left leg is twitching.

I tell WW what happened. I'm stunned by his reply. I'm frequently stunned by his replies! He says "You should have said something." My husband.  The guy who's always telling me to "let it go."

Dang it!

After a bit of venting in my new line (I'm in last position behind a lady with a very full cart, of course!) I take a look around. Mama and daughter are, unbelievably, still there...just getting ready to leave. I ask WW, "Should I go say something?" He must have needed a laugh cause he says "Sure."

That was all the encouragement I needed.  Off I go. Adrenaline. Pumping. But still striving to be polite. Of course.

To mama, I say "Ma'am. You cut me off in line and that's the rudest thing I've ever seen."

Mama says, in a semi-calm voice, "Ma daughter was in front'a you. Ma daughter was in line in front'a you."

"No, ma'am. You sent her up there, then cut me off.  Is that what you want to teach your daughter?" I admit, my tone was, let's just say, forceful. And, I admit, I had the wagging-finger-of-doom going. But, in my defense, it wasn't in her face.  It was a waist wag. Merely a waist wag.

I think she didn't care for the daughter comment...who, by the way, was standing right beside mama, google-eyed. Poor little baby. Mama says to me, "I'mone knock yo face in!" (Yes, this is the way she spoke.)

Ok....this really took me by surprise. I don't think I've ever had anyone threaten physical harm to me, especially in Walmart and over something like this. It took me off-guard.  So much so that I wasn't even really sure how to respond.  Do I put up my dukes? Do I give her a kick? Do I run away? What in the world??? I respond with the meaningless, "Really??? Whaaa????"

Mama; looking around: "Sombody betta come 'cause I'mone knock yo face in!"

I'm so stunned by this turn of events that lose my whole train of thought and fire back with the very weak shot: "Well, that was the rudest thing I've ever seen and it was uncalled for. I feel sorry for you!"

Despite the inanity of my statement, it really seems to strike some deep seated cord in mama.  As I turn and stalk away, I hear her holler, "I feel sorry for you! You look in a mirror lately?!"

As astounded and bewildered as I am my this pathetic woman, I see that she has nowhere to go. She has done a rude and wrong thing in front of her young daughter and been called out on it. She had two courses available to her:

1. She could have said she was sorry and we could have both gone on about our business. She could have taught her daughter the valuable lessons of being able to admit when you're wrong and being able to apologize. I SO wish she'd chosen this course.

2. She could have done what she did. She knew she was wrong (and her daughter did too) so she resorted to her entitlement mentality of denial (my daughter was there, so it was ok...I deserved to be in front of you) and, when that didn't work for her, she threatened me with physical harm and called me ugly.

Again, I say....really??? This whole episode says something about our society, doesn't it? I almost walked away from it but I'm glad I went back and said something to mama. Rudeness shouldn't be acceptable. People shouldn't teach it to their children. Btw, how many times to you think the little girl has heard from mama "I'mone knock yo face in"?

But wait, I know this post is long but there's more...and this is the very best part. When I traveled to my new line (the one in which I vented behind the lady with the very full cart?) full cart lady looks at me and says, in such a sweet voice, "Would you like to go in front of me? I'm not in a hurry. Maybe it will make your day a little better!" Bless her heart. She gives me hope.

There you go...the good. It's still out there. It badly needs to be encouraged and nourished. Where will we be without it? In 10 years, or so, the little girl I encountered today will be shopping in Walmart for her family. I hope she remembers her manners.

Comments

[littlepurpleroom]

She was probably late for her etiquette class.

Sad to say she was probably raised the same way she is raising her daughter.

Hey Wal-marts are a happening place. Sooner or later you run across everything imaginable and plenty thats not.
Just check out peopleofwalmart.com
Waiting for the day I go look and see myself on there.

[SGist]

I'm afraid i've got a sharp enough tongue, and when thoroughly provoked the red-neck comes out in me that I don't tolerate that kind of behavior, and i'm afraid that if she'd laid a hand on me I would have broken her arm & then more than likely gotten a lawsuit out of it to boot. Our country's manners are in severe decline and Wal-Mart is just a convenient place to observe the phenomenon.

There's a reason i'm a voluntary hermit and your story is exactly 'why' I choose to avoid people. Otherwise, I can be chatty, friendly and helpful to anyone, but if boorish behavior raises it's disgusting head, i'm afraid the fangs & claws come out...

[kecia]

she reacted that way because she knew she was wrong - but that's the way people do it; blame others so that they, themselves don't look bad. i know in my heart - she KNEW she was wrong.

i'm glad you said your peace even though it turned out how it did.

[Sheryl]

We in our family (parents and four grown sons) follow political news all the time, and there IS a connection between what we're experiencing "out in public" and how we collectively vote. There were thugs and crass people when our wonderful country was founded -- that never changes -- but the tone and tenor of the public discourse has clearly declined at points in time in human history, and every society and generation has to deal with some of that. We need to pray for our country and the people around us so we don't end up like Sodom and Gomorrah, wiped out because of our collective Godlessness, and we need to vote responsibly. We always vote in opposition to the "Walmart" entitlement mentality, whether the vote relates to a politician or a policy. I do especially like the post that emphasized only being able to tend our own garden, but I think it was brave and wise to confront the woman to the extent that you did; I think her daughter probably DOESN'T approve of or agree with her mother's attitude and behavior but simply doesn't have the wherewithal to oppose her yet, but I suspect she will consider abandoning such idiocy when she has full power over her own life in the future. She has to deal with the shame now and over time; continue to pray for her when you remember this event (and you will). Thanks for sharing this event with us, Deryn; it was enlightening.

[FrenchGardenHouse]

oh. my. Having just braved our own local Walmart with my husband on Labor Day, no less, this post had me laughing a little, but also totally THERE with you. yikes. It's a jungle out there sometimes. But thank goodness that sweet lady made up for it a little at the end!
xo Lidy

[Christine Damm]

Well, as much as I see this kind of behavior at our local Walmart, it is everywhere-- Borders, nice restaurants, convenience stores, etc. As you have pointed out, it's the entitlement mentality. Lately a woman contacted me and asked if I would give her some feedback on her blog. When I got to the URL, I found something called "Glory Hound", which I found was defined as I had thought, someone who steals ideas from others or takes credit for something they didn't do. A lot has been said about copying in the jewelry community-- it all goes back to the same mentality. Why do I have to pay for that tutorial? Why shouldn't I be able to teach it if I already paid you to learn it? There is rudeness and unconsciousness about the feelings and hard work of others everywhere and a few brave individuals like yourself and others are holding the offenders responsible. Bravo to you! By the way, you should write scripts for t.v.-- I was totally there with you in that situation, it was very visual.

[joanna pierotti]

Deryn, you told the story so well that it made me visually see the whole thing. I give you so much credit for taking your time to react because I know I would not have waited like you did. I have many stories too and funny how we never forget these incidences. Coming back from So. Calif. last week I was a wreck from the way some drive so fast and aggressive. I am terrible and have make believe missiles on the front of my car. I blow up a lot of cars with sound effects and all. It makes my husband laugh and then me, easing the frustration. I think the way these crazy folks drive are expressing a lot of anger these days and getting worse. It's everywhere. Gives us an opportunity to be some light when we choose that and I'm trying, but fail so often. Lord have mercy, I say! Thanks for sharing and I'm sure when I run into another encounter of the kind, I'll remember yours. Glad you are safe.

[Linda Byrd]

How horrible that this happened to you. I agree that it's not just Walmart; it's our society and it's getting worse by the day. Where I live, I've noticed a marked decline in common courtesy in the last 7 or 8 years. Or maybe I'm just getting older and less tolerant of boorish behavior? Anyway, take deep breaths, and peace.

[Deb]

OMG. I hate to say I'm dying laughing, but I am. Because this sort of thing has happened to me so many times - and always, always, always - well ALMOST always - when I'm in WalMart! That place is full of people with just that kind of attitude. (Although there is hope with that the lady in line who offered her your place - bless her heart.)
I have to say I admire your gumption, because if it had been me, the woman would surely have bashed my face in.
Reminds me of the time - years ago, when I still lived in NC - when a woman ran a red light and almost killed me. I had the NERVE to blow my horn at her and guess what - she braked, backed up, and pulled out a shotgun. I am NOT kidding! Needless to say, I took off like a bat out of you know where & headed straight for the police station. (this was before cell phones). And you guessed it - said Redneck Woman was nowhere to be found.
The above example is one reason why, no matter how angry I am in a case like this, I try to keep my anger and frustration to myself. People that rude - who feel that sense of entitlement - are never safe.
I hate to say it, but I imagine her little girl will grow up with exactly the same mentality, the same rude behavior, and the same anger towards her fellow man (woman).
I have to hug you from afar, because I know what you did was difficult. And I do admire you for speaking up - I'm just a bit older and a bit more jaded as to how much good it did. You certainly were justified, but I imagine that woman will continue to say, "I'mone mash you face" to every single person who dares cross her hateful soul. Karma may come back to bite her, but perhaps not soon enough.
Bless you anyway, my friend. I so enjoyed this story.

[Alice]

Good for you, Deryn, for standing up for what is right. Unfortunately the child will probably never learn the difference between right and wrong if she stays around her mother.

This happened to us at Disney World years ago. After standing in line for over an hour a huge group of young adults cut in front of us. When we called them on it they said the person in front of us was saving their place in line. They were very rude to us, and here we had small children with us. It was sort of scary, but we stood our ground and forced them to the back of the line, and received cheers from the crowd for it.

When things like this come up I'm usually either too timid to speak up for myself and fume about it for days, or open my mouth and something stupid or rude comes out. It's very difficult to keep cool in times like this, or to 'love they neighbor'.

[Kim]

So sorry that this happened to you. What's worse, it's not an isolated incident. There's an aspect to this that is particularly troubling. This woman immediately resorted to violence. If things had escalated, the police would have been summoned and most likely her child would have been taken into protective custody until a family member could have been contacted. All over a cart of groceries or a shorter wait in line? When she asked you if you'd looked in the mirror, you could honestly say that unlike her, you like what you see. Glad to hear that someone was at least civilized and kind to you. However, the "I, me, mine" entitlement mentality is indeed tiresome.

[Susan]

Canadians are always ridiculed for our politeness, and willingness to line up, and this is exactly why - even though she didn't actually touch you, she still inflicted a lot of uncalled-for hurt and anger. You have my sympathy and support!

[Deryn Mentock]

Rosie, you have an interesting take on this. I don't feel like I'm stuck in an anger/anxiety rumination but I do know the difference between right and wrong and it's wrong to cut in front of someone else in a line and it's wrong to then threaten them with physical violence when they call you out on it. I would never assume to have control over her behavior but I can tell you, I'll be praying for her and her daughter to Someone who does.

Thanks so much for stopping by!

deryn

[Mary Franzenburg]

Wow! I guess it goes to show you: Wal Mart can always be counted on to provide one with a stunning example of the general rudeness and selfishness of the average american.....(not to mention the politics involved with shopping in such a place)...it is really easy to let rude people get under one's skin! That happens to me a lot - some stupid incident that makes me all cynical and negative. And then, every time, God will put another situation into my day that renews my faith in people. Like instantaneous yin & yang!

[Doris L]

Oh dear, Deryn, I am so sorry about your bad WalMart experience. I try to avoid WalMart at all cost these days. I quite liked it when I still lived in Oklahoma, but here in California it's totally different.
I am glad you said something to that unbelievably rude woman. And I am so glad the sweet woman with the full cart did what she did. There still are a few nice people out there, they are just getting harder to find.
Hope today is better - no nasty people around you.

[Danee Kaplan]

I had an experience a few weeks ago on Facebook. One of my "friends" and I use quotes because she never was really a friend but our kids are in the same grade. She went on a rant on Facebook , that I felt was very rude, and judgmental towards anyone who is not exactly like her. A few of her friends were adding to it and it turned even more hateful. One friend tried to reason with them all and give an alternative view point but he was shut down. I ignored it the first time (actually I wrote a really scathing and blunt retort but I erased it before I sent it). She posted another comment -as an addendum to the first- and it really bothered me. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and commented on her post but I only said she needed to be very careful of who is judging. She fired back at me about me personally attacking her and she won't let anyone on Facebook treat her like that so she had "unfriended" me. Wow, like your encounter I called her out for being a witch at best and thoughtless and heartless at worst and she was embarrassed and turned it into a very misguided self-empowerment moment.

[Erin Prais-Hintz]

Dang. That is a crazy story Deryn. I am so glad you didn't get your teeth knocked out. It is completely sad what she is modeling for her daughter. The entitlement thing notwithstanding, the fact that she is showing an attitude of she-can-do-no-wrong will come back to haunt her.... in the form of a daughter with those same misconceptions and sassy attitudes. Thanks for having the courage of your convictions.
Enjoy the day!
Erin

[rosie]

Believing we have control of any ones behavior other than our own is exhausting. Insisting that your perception of the event
was 'right' and that it 'should' have been
another way has turned into anger,anxiety and rumination. Of course, me pointing this out is an example of the old saying, 'if you spot it- you got it'!!! so all I can say is I have been there and am trying to learn being in charge of everybody else keeps me from learning about myself....

[Kathy Reed]

Yay Deryn!!! The more we just allow unacceptable behavior by not speaking up, the more acceptable it will become. It's hard for me too but if we don't try, then who will?

[Cathy Wegner]

This makes me so angry. I'm glad you said something. You are right, so many people have the "it's all about me" disease and politeness is going right out the window. They are teaching their children, by their actions, that other people don't matter. I hope the majority of parents are teaching their children about politeness but from what I see when I'm in public, it doesn't look that way.

[Deryn Mentock]

Barb Solem....what fabulous encouragement. Thank you! I should have said in my post that I'll be spending some time praying for them both. I wish I'd told mama that.

Thank you ALL for your kind comments and support. I wanted to post this, not so much because I was treated badly but more to bring up the fact that manners and appropriateness seem to be slipping away in our society. But, as KJ said, I think it's still a minority of people and they stand out because they're so obtuse. Long live common courtesy!

[Sandra]

Deryn. It's not just Walmart, it's not even just the USA. I work in a grocery store in Germany, have been for 15 years now, doing pretty much everything from warehouse work, shelving, and - of course - the checkout counter. So on a daily base, I have to do with customers who just plain ignore me until they've got to pay (really, how hard is it to greet back, reply with a simple "thank you" or "good bye"), not to mention that, if I'd find a way to jam cell phone calls within our store, I totally would. And of course there are those who park their cart in the line to reserve their spot and then wander off to continue shopping and start shouting and yelling if someone pushes their cart aside, OMG. Or, holding out two items, going: "Could I go ahead?" and then putting a gazillion of items from their bags (not OUR store's) on the belt. And, yes, there's the "sending your kid ahead to reserve a spot" tactic as well. But, just like the lady who was in front of you in the other lane, fortunately there's always those who make up for it, who still have manners, who still care. Or I wouldn't be doing this job anymore, after 15 years. I came back today after a 3-week vacation, and a sweet old lady who comes by every day immediately asked me if I'd been sick. That so made up for all the non-greeters, ignorers, cell-phone babblers and so on.

Hahah, so sorry for the ramble. It's just that, when shopping in REAL today (which took over Walmart's stores over here after they took over Wertkauf but COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FAILED in "getting" the German shopping mentality), I was in a line. A really short line. It was noon, so there were quite a few people on lunch break. And the lady at the register simply greeted her current customer with a nice (not overly enthusiastic, but still better than no greeting at all) "Guten Tag". And the two chicks behind me went: "She should not be babbling, she should be WORKING." Never in my life have I so much felt the desire to simply turn around and smack a complete stranger in the face. So, your post struck a cord today.

I mean, people seem to be so terribly inconsiderate today. Is it just me, or has this been getting worse and worse? Makes me wonder what parents teach their children nowadays, apparently it's NOT manners.

Still rambling.

And, for the record, I'm 35. ;D

Sandra

[KJ]

Okay you touched a nerve. I HATE shopping at WalMart, even if I haven't had that bad an experience. However, it is crowded with parents who think it is entirely appropriate to tell their kids to shut-up, kids fighting each other, and kids running wild. I like the deals too. Plus, the store is laid out to encourage bad behavior by not leaving enough space to maneuver. I solved this problem by only shopping at WalMart if I can get there before 8:30 a.m.- it seems to cut down on the poor behavior.

You said: "This whole episode says something about our society..." Maybe, call me an optimist, but I think it says something only about a few uneducated people totally lacking in manners and self control.

By the way, I am always tempted to tell rude people "what would your mama say." Your experience shows that isn't always appropriate.

[Lee]

Wow. Ugh. I feel the most sorry for her duagher, who was put in a bad position of letting her mojther butt in line (she knew it was wrong, then to witness such foul mouthed behavior. Sad. Very sad.

[Solems-classic-interiors]

Oh Deryn, I agree with you about what that woman represents....The degradation of civility in some parts of our society....The mentality of “each man (or woman) for him/herself....” I agree that sometimes it looks as if America is failing, but then I see the goodness in the vast majority of our fellow American brothers and sisters and I remember that the few are just loud and appear to be in the majority when in reality, they are not. I’m glad that the events ended with a kind person, empathizing with you and your plight.

How appropriate that you bring this up today ~ in light of my pastor’s sermon in church yesterday based on Matthew 18: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”

He ended with the charge to pray for those who don’t listen ~ to soften their heart ~ to awaken them ~ hard to do, but so necessary....

Bless you on your path! Be a role-model for others who need it! Especially their poor defenseless children ;=)

[Renate]

Sometimes I think society as a whole has lost it's manners, morals and ethics - individuals, companies, governments... Good for you for saying something. Her beligerent reaction is typical, unfortunately...

[Sue Trump]

GO DERYN! I would have been there for you. Wow. Only at WalMart.

[gayle]

Well, I think not only was she rude but blind as well......'cuz you are anything
but ugly!! Plus you have cool boots!!!Unfortunately rudeness is rampant. It's quite scary actually.

[Christine]

I have to say, reading this post made me a little angry because of how true it is. I had a friend who worked as a cashier in Walmart very briefly and walked out on her shift when a customer grabbed her by the arms and told her to stop bagging her groceries a certain way...and the manager wouldn't do anything about it.
Good for you for saying something!

[Cheryl]

Ohhhhhhhhh don't you just hate stuff like that? My-my-my! Personally, I have a hair trigger, I am always saying something snarky--- although I try to be polite when I do it, if that makes any sense lol I can remember one time when I was with my daughter, who was about 12ish at the time.... an older lady pushed ahead of me at the grocery store. My daughter was shocked, and I was bent out of shape lol... I told her in a rather loud voice. "Ah, let her go ahead of me, she is super old and is going to die soon, she doesn't want to spend time waiting in line." *gasp* One of these days I'm surely going to get it huh lol

[Corey Johnston]

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

I don't even know what else to say. But take solace in the fact that your quality of life is much better for your capacity to recognize what she did wrong. Life, for her, is probably a series of events she doesn't understand and she doesn't have the tools to do anything about it--a miserable existence at best to be constantly angry and feel the only way to succeed is to cheat.

You did what you could. I hope her daughter sees more examples of dignity like yours, as the cycle will most likely simply repeat itself if no one demonstrates to her how civility works...

So sorry you were so upset by that--that's the worst, when it gets you so worked up it sours your day. How wonderful that you got a little balance with an act of kindness!!

I think the best antidote to things like that is to quickly create something beautiful to counteract the ugliness. And you've got skills in that regard! I'm sure making something pretty and joyful will carry much more weight than hate! Hang in there!

[bev b]

OMG! Yay for you! I wouldn't have waited for my WW's opinion though. I would have addressed it in line immediately! I am like that that way. It is so unfortunate that this type of behavior is more prominent these days and it is so hard to teach the children of today that it shouldn't be. It not only happens at Walmart either. Thankful you don't have a black eye! Thanks for sharing your story.

[Kelly Snelling]

I hate that that happened to you. It makes me sad. But, I have to tell you this, just this past week when I had to go to Target, this is one of the reasons I almost couldn't leave the house. Seriously. I was feeling rather sketchy at best as it was and I just didn't know if I could leave the house and deal with the general public at Target because of how people act these days. I didn't know if I could handle it. If I had run into that lady I would have either broken down into tears or ended up in jail. Some days it is good to know when to just stay home, and that is so sad. What has happened to courtesy and kindness? Sometimes I feel like I am very tough on my sons because I will not let up when it comes to being polite. Compared to some other women I see with their children I feel like a tyrant. But, to me, it is my duty to mold them into gentlemen and it is getting harder and harder ever day when no one else cares to do the same.

[Heidi J. Horan]

I love this story, Deryn. A few years ago, during the Christmas season, I interrupted a man who was in the process of screaming at a young girl behind the perfume counter and told him his behavior was unacceptable and he needed to leave the area immediately. I thought I was going to lose a few teeth. As a flight attendant, I see incredible behavior, good and bad, all the time and now make a conscious effort to thank people for being human and nicely point out when someone is being otherwise. I keep hoping positive reinforcement will win the battle...not holding my breath.

[Jill]

My kids won't go to Walmart with me anymore...
They fear my occasional episodes of "walmart Rage" ... I can totally relate to your story, thanks for sharing!
xo
Jill

[Lei]

Kudo's to you. I'm so glad you stood up for yourself. And to think that she used her young daughter to cut in line. People should know that if you go shopping at Walmart there is a long line at the check out. There is ALWAYS a long line! So, deal with it.
I would have asked the young girl if she saw me waiting in line. Then, proceed from there.
Obviously, the girl already learned negative behavior from her bad mama.

[DE]

I usually don't leave comments on the blogs I visit, but I just had to say...WELL DONE!!
My husband has a trick in dealing with people like these. He kills them with kindness. Sometimes they catch on and feel guilty, sometimes not. I don't think that would have worked for you in this situation. I cannot stand injustice. I am starting to see that there are a whole lot of people out in this world who have no morals, manners, or class. I enjoy visiting your blog. Thanks for sharing this experience.

[Crystal]

Oh you have a gift for writing, humorous and insightful. I could feel your pain and disbelief, and cheering for your bold move to speak up!

[Roben-Marie]

Oh, Deryn! I can't believe how timely this post is. I avoid Walmart at all costs and during the few times I do go I encounter similar situations...every time! I was just at Target yesterday and while checking out a customer behind me mentions how much she hates going to Walmart. I chime in and then the cashier does as well. Topic: rude people. Interesting, eh?!

I am so proud of you! I wish I had the courage to speak up when people do rude things to me. You did the right thing and how unfortunate what you got back.

I know your spirit and that had to be hard to hear. Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

Hugs,
RM