It's a Mean World

 

I've been going to a Bible study authored by the outstanding teacher, Beth Moore.  If you haven't heard Beth speak, even on video, you're missing out!  She is truly gifted and inspiring.  We're studying the book of Esther, with the focus on women in today's world.  You may recall that Esther was a beautiful Jewish girl who was chosen, from a harem of many, many beautiful girls, to be queen to king Xerxes.  Because of her position, and her faith, Esther was able to save the Jewish people from extermination.

 

I have to share something Beth spoke about in this lesson...it's tough being a woman in a mean world.  Let's face it, meanness seems to be everywhere.  Did you hear the boos directed at our outgoing President, even as our new President was being installed?  Or, maybe meanness has been a little more up-close and personal?  Maybe someone has insulted you?  Or, worse, one of your children?  Maybe you've had your artwork unfairly criticized?  Maybe, a friend or acquaintance has spread malicious gossip about you?  Doesn't it make you feel like this:

 

Ironically, the person dishing out the meanness feels this way as well!  I believe that mean people are unhappy people.  Mean people perceive a threat and their meanness is a reaction to that threat, however inappropriate.  A threat implies a rivalry and at the heart of every rivalry, is insecurity.  The resulting emotion is often anger.  Anger is a like a jolt of power to those who feel powerless.  The mean and/or angry person is looking for deference from those around them.  In this case, anger is a means of manipulation:  those in contact with the meanie would rather not deal with it, consequently, they concede.  The mean person keeps others under their heel and in their control.  As Beth would say, I wonder if this speaks to anyone but me? 

The mean person doesn't take competition well.  That insecurity won't allow them to be anything but the center of attention.  Have you ever heard something like this:  "You can dish it out, but you can't take it!"  The mean person never takes responsibility for their actions...never apologizes.  Remember junior high school?  Mean people tend to surround themselves with others who go along with them...who make them feel secure but, no person can stay under that kind of control and no person can provide that kind of security for long.  Mostly, we grow out of that mean girl mode but, I'll tell you, I've found myself caught up in it more times than I care to think about.  It's so easy, isn't it?  I've been the mean one and I've experienced the mean one.  Neither is a picnic!  I know you've been there too.

 

In our story of Esther, the mean person Beth taught about was a man named Haman.  Haman was a mean guy.  It was his idea to have all the Jews in the kingdom exterminated.  As I listened to the lesson, I thought not about any particular person in my life but instead about how little things have changed over the centuries.  We are still mean, even cruel, to each other in a myriad of big and little ways.  Fortunately, as Beth points out, there is a cure.  I love "The Message" version of Romans 12: 9-19:

Love from the center of who you are;  don't fake it.  Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.  Be good friends who love deeply;  practice playing second fiddle...

 

Bless your enemies;  no cursing under your breath.  Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy;  share tears when they're down.  Get along with each other;  don't be stuck-up.  Make friends with nobodies;  don't be the great somebody.

 

Don't hit back;  discover beauty in everyone.

Did I say?...it's tough being a woman in a mean world.

Thank you all for being so overwhelmingly kind in your comments on my One World One Heart post.  I'm looking forward to giving away some jewelry!

Comments

[Gretchen Schaumann]

This was a wonderful post. Thank you for writing it. My bf is also in a Beth Moore study and has been so uplifted by her teachings.
I really love your style of jewelry design and think you are so talented. I too have your "charm exchange" book and enjoy your journeys and teachings.
Thanks for sharing!

[Elise B.]

Here is what I have learned as I continue to work to understand myself and my reactions to others. Every reaction I have comes from some place inside me that is not healed or that is hurting. No one can hurt me unless I have something in me that is not quite "right"...something is being hit by the other one I have named "mean".

The truth is "Mean" people are tools and teachers to us. We can use them like sandpaper to rub off our own rough edges to reveal our true brillance which is compassion, kindness, mercy, understanding, forgiveness and love. When someone is being "mean" or insecure or jealous etc. and I react to it, it only means I don't like what has been mirrored back to me! My own capicity to be mean, my own insecurities, dishonesties, little lies to myslef or judgements of others so I can pretend I am self-rightious.

I don't always like to have to face this so I name the other "mean" and wash our my of it, become a victim and work to find allies.

When this all happens we pick sides and that is how a war begins.

I am not there yet, but I strive and work to be with others' pain, insecurity, anger, fear, jealousy and use it to humble myself so I can live a more honest and merciful life while here.

...we are all in this together!!

Thank you for letting me share. And thank you for giving me something to struggle with and work with too!

[Roben-Marie]

Hello, Deryn! I needed to read this today! My family has been on the receiving end of such a person and a friend none-the-less. Forgiveness is essential and commanded, but hard. If God can forgive me for all I have done and for the death of his only son, I can do the same. I pray that I will hold my tongue in times of trial and will have a meek spirit. My strength is not from me and I will show love to even those who hurt me. May God bless you dear! :)

[Lola M.]

I love how you share from the center of who you are, Deryn. Wonderful post that I know I'll be passing along. There is always beauty and inspiration of one kind or another to be found on your blog.

[Lisa]

What a great post...I copied some sections to send to my daughter who is in middle school and witnessing "mean"...not just girls...but boys too.

[~*Amber Dawn*~]

While on my path to learning how to be saved from my misery many years ago, I asked God how it would be possible to *love* even my enemies.
I grew up in a tough environment which at times, caused me to act like a mean bully.
I hung around with kids in gangs and acted like a princess.
*ME FIRST*, *I AM IN CHARGE*, *DO AS I TELL YOU TO DO OR WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS*
Those were the attitudes I shouted by my actions.

I wasn't always that way.
It came on gradually after years of physical, mental and emotional abuse.
There was just too much pain... It was easy to lash out and abuse others for relief.
It DID feel like I was powerful at the time, but I felt a LOT of fear and guilt.
Especially when I made others cry, or feel outcast.

Years of pain, un fulfillment, fear, hurting and brokenness...Questioning how it could be done, HOW could *I* ever be like Jesus- ever?

Jesus saved me- The Holy Spirit guided me out of the darkness and the Love of the MOST HIGH GOD saw to it that I would be born again, out of my broken and savage heart and into a new healed, forgiven and saved heart.
It took me years of learning, obeying and letting go of my self serving mentality.

I was transformed-

There is no stronger testimony one can have of being born again- than to see someone who was once feared and strongly disliked... Become a loving, caring, humble, forgiving and repentant creation.
I believe that those who can experience this change both by witnessing it in themselves and also by seeing a drastic change in others is AMAZING.
Amazing grace.

I am no longer able to be the self serving, selfish, evil, mean, controlling, manipulative and snobbish creature I once was.
My heart is *NEW* and I *FEEL* and *KNOW* God is there.

It's FABULOUS!!!

*Smiles*

Esther was always one of my favorite women of the old testament.
Us Jews know her as Hadassah
What captivates me the most?
God is NOT once mentioned in the book once, but HE IS THERE!

The story also hints that even loss as great as losing your parents can lead you to play a very important role in life!!!

Had God not taken her parents away from her at a very young age, she would have never been in that particular situation- to become Queen of a VERY powerful kingdom here on earth ~*PERSIA!*~. It was her uncle who raised her who was also meant to play a key role in this wonderful and amazing story. The underlying order to the dynamics of the characters in play are so well written out by God.
It is a wonderful story!

Have you seen the recent movie version? It's not really true to the writing of the bible, but it's a beautiful movie.
"One Night With The King"
The bible's version is far cooler though!

It is REALLY good to read your blog.

Thank you for letting me share with you Deryn!
Amber

[Susan]

Funny how some feelings are universal. Also having a "mean" week and reading your post helped me to realize we are not alone in these emotions. Our world makes it very difficult to stay true to yourself and be brave enough to love unconditionally. Thanks for the reminder that faith still exists.

[Sheila at Halo Hill]

Thank you for this post. It spoke straight to my heart. It was "right-on" timely for me. I had a terrible experience last week. Thank you. I love your work, and your blog.

Hugs,
Sheila
Mt. Angel, OR

[Michelle]

Hello Deryn - I enjoyed your post and spent some time on Beth's website. I found her very charismatic and enjoyed reading her posts. It has been a long time since I did any studying of the bible in any depths but I still enjoy the discussions and feel I have a much more open mind and appreciative as I have gotten older.

[Diana Frey]

Kudos to you Deryn! Lovely post. Your words are so true and they touched my heart.
Diana

[Judy Scott]

thankyou Deryn for this post and to all the commenters ~ I do love The Message and how it puts Gods Message to us ~ God bless you all ~ Judy x

[Violet Skiles]

A beautiful thought-provoking post. Thank you for sharing what you are learning. I've also been in a Beth Moore Bible study, she really can get you thinking!

[Lelainia]

I've been on the receving end too and it always seems to me the people who do this sort of thing are so school yard. They just never matured socially.

I feel sorry for them really. They miss out on the gift of knowing you when they are so caught up in competing with you and trying to make you less than they are.

To give them any sort of acknowledgement is just to reinforce that their bully tactics are working. Personally, I just ignore them and think to myself "Sucks to be you!" because being mean and cruel to others is no way to live.

Rise above, rise above.

[Melissa]

Hi Deryn, I just want to thank you for your art, blog but more important sharing your faith in the context of your art! I teach small groups of mostly women artist to use thier gifts to point to Christ and as a way to worship. I just wanted you to know that you are setting a great example to more people than you know by doing what you do!!!!! I agree with Beth Moore and teach people that to draw those meanies to christ we must first be "like Christ" and set the example!
God Bless Melissa Gilham
www.primfixins.blogspot.com

[Mei]

Hi Deryn! I have awarded you the Lemonade award for your blog because it shows an attitude of gratitude, uplifting and has good content. Pick it up at:
http://wireblissmei.blogspot.com
Mei

[Lorraine]

I loved this study! But I LOVE this post Deryn! I'm so glad I "cruised" by this morning.

On another note, have you read The Shack? You need to if you haven't. It is a wonderful book that I can't put down....I hope to finish tonight.

P.S. I Miss you!

[Linda Lynch]

Wonderful, wonderful, and the comments were also wonderful. My heart goes out to Cindy; I can't imagine losing a child. What beautiful and valuable lessons she taught her children. In junior high I was picked on and at 60 yrs old, it is still painful. God is good!

[Nancy]

beautiful and timely post for today's mean world-I love Beth Moore's studies too.

[Beth Bricker]

A great post and something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. Thank-you for that reminder.
Beth

[Sherry Peck]

Deryn....sometimes there are no words to express the depth of feeling in one's heart....you have touched me with your wonderful post...your art and use of words compare to your beautiful and sensitive art you create with your hands...I had a group of women writers (Christian) come thru my shop this week and was so blessed by their upbeat positive care, understanding and love they seemed to have for one another and women in general....they probably all write out of past difficulties...and have learned great things in their writing and getting it on paper...."you and them"....were my blessing this week!! sherry

[Melissa Sabin]

Great post Deryn, and Beth has such a wonderful and practical way of translating Biblical theology to our reality. She would be estatic of your taking in that lesson and living it back out to the world through your blog. Beautifully stated! Love that you share your faith lessons.

[Teresa McFayden]

What a great and thought provoking post today Deryn. Love what you wrote about that horrible word: mean. Off to read it again! So hurtful...

{Group hug everyone!}

[Nancy]

Again you have shared your heart so truthfully and your message touches so many of us. I am very moved by the other commentors too. It takes so little effort to be kind to others, especially as we experience God's kindness and gentleness toward us.
Deryn, your blog is a lovely, safe place to be refreshed. Thank you!

[Tami Roth]

Deryn, what a great post. So thought provoking and so much of it is sadly true. The last segment is what I wish everyone could live by. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hugs,
Tami

[Deryn Mentock]

Judy, thank you so much for adding to Esther's story. I didn't want to make my post too long but there is so much to be learned from Esther, Mordecai and Haman. I wasn't thinking about any personal event in particular when I posted this. Actually, I was thinking of a news story a couple of years ago in which a little boy was abused and killed. The details are to horrible to recount but I've thought about that story since. It made me really wonder about why and how people behave the way they do. So, even though I'd heard most of it already, what I heard from Beth Moore really sank in. As for our new president, I hope he is a faithful and good man. To me, the beliefs and actions he's exhibited so far don't match with mine but, God can change hearts. I believe that God places and deposes leaders so our president is where he is for a reason. He has the unique opportunity to do good, for the whole world. We have yet to see what he'll do. Thank you for the link...very interesting.

[Judy Wilkenfeld]

Ahh yes interesting story. Esther did in fact put her life at risk to save her people.

Interestingly when Haman rode his horse through the streets all the people were supposed to bow down to him. They all did except for Esthers uncle who had previously saved her husband, King Ahasuerus as we call him. Because Mordechai, the uncle, would not break the laws of his religion and be a follower, Haman decided, in his anger, to kill all the Jews.

I cannot help but also relate this part of the story to your post relating to "Mean people perceive a threat and their meanness is a reaction to that threat, however inappropriate"

Your deduction is so true when one goes into this story in depth.

Further, Esther had to use her intelligence and brevity to stand up and risk her life to try to right a wrong.

When you stated "anger is a means of manipulation: those in contact with the meanie would rather not deal with it, consequently, they concede" it reminded me of a certain current situation whereby "fans" flock to and "concede" in order to make the "meanie" feel secure.

But as we learn from Esther - it only takes one to stand up, be brave and not be part of the flock for the sake of truth. Ultimately Esthers faith won out and her people were saved.

Your bringing this story to light here is certainly appreciated by me for the enduring lessons and reminders that sometimes we must stand alone and fight for either our principles or faith - for the truth will be the final victor!!!!

{It is also interesting that you mentioned this weeks inauguration in relation to this story - see this link...}
http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/01/president-obama.html

xox

[lk]

Oh, did this hit home. I love much of Beth Moore's writing. The book on David was one that came at the exact season it was needed. Anyhow, I digress. Thank you for your words, your reminders. Astonishingly apt.

(I'm having trouble emailing you directly. I think it is gmail's fault.)

[Chris]

Wow Deryn~~
This post is amazing! The message is valid~~meanness does exist and flourish all over. I've found a lot of it at my workplace and have even commented "this is like junior high!"
My challenge is to rise above and show love to even the bullies...and especially the downtrodden.

Your images on this post are wonderful.
Thank you for writing this from your heart!

[Tanya Peacock]

Prayer is the answer. You can't be mean to someone you are praying for. It is also harder to be angry at someone who is mean to you when you are praying for them.

Blessings!

[Cindy]

I hope you find peace in this art world on day Deryn. Wishing you the best.

[Lori Bowring Michaud]

Hi Deryn. I loved your post today, thank you. I found your art and blog through the book A Charming Exchange. Ironically, I had ordered a different book at Borders and while I was waiting for them to see if that book had come in, I wandered through the crafts aisle and found A Charming Exchange. I absolutely love it. What I appreciated is that you’re all women of faith and aren’t afraid to share it.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your 12 Days of Christmas, and looked forward to each post, and learning about the meaning behind each of the days. Today’s post especially resounded with me. My oldest and youngest (of 4) have both been picked on, bullied or harassed. My oldest son got it the worst. My youngest daughter, has had a difficult couple of years at the end of high school because she made a very distinct choice to live her life by her own terms, to not compromise her principles, and to try to be a better person. She’s finally making friends with girls who have similar values, but it’s been a difficult transition. My husband and I always told them that the meanest had the most miserable lives; that they felt so badly inside that the only way they could feel good about themselves, is by making others feel worse than they do. We’ve always told them to be the bigger person and walk away, to be thankful that they had a loving family, that being rich in spirit was better than being rich in the pocketbook. My son, when he was younger, asked me one time when “they” were going to be the bigger person and walk away. I told him “they” probably wouldn’t because they hadn’t been taught better, and maybe not loved enough. T.J., my son, died almost 5 years ago, on Mother’s Day in 2004. He was 19. At his wake, a girl who had picked on him stood in front of me sobbing and apologized for being so mean. She said she’d never treat anyone the way she treated T.J. again. I looked to heaven and smiled as I hugged her.

I never really considered myself a “faith-full” (play on words) woman as I was growing up, though I’ve always gone to church. Oddly, my faith has grown since the loss of my son. Anyway, I enjoy your blog, and thank you for the beauty you create, both with your hands and your words.

[diane cook]

Beautiful post Deryn. I love Beth Moore's Bible Studies. I started a Bible Study 2 weeks ago~Life Lessons with Max Lucado~Books of Ruth & Esther. How coincidental is that? I am enjoying looking at Ruth in a deeper study. I pray I can be such a person as Ruth was.
xoxo